


Close to You

by Lubamoon



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Armitage Hux Defects From the First Order, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Hates Kylo Ren, Dreams, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forehead Kisses, Happy Ending, Humor, Idiots in Love, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Leia Organa Ships It, Morning Cuddles, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Resistance Spies (Star Wars), Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rose Tico Needs A Hug, Shy Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, Soft Kylo Ren, The Force Ships It (Star Wars), This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Training, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon
Summary: The Supreme Leader of the First Order, pinned to his own bed by a sleeping scavenger, helpless and vulnerable. And with a concerning hoarseness problem.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Close to you (cerca de ti)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032753) by [Lubamoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon). 



[Close to you Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1rGSkEFO9kJk9lMniIK58c?si=zRJyrJbZToWsy2mGfbo50w&utm_source=copy-link) on Spotify

A few weeks after Crait, the First Order seemed to have lost all trace of the Resistance. Not even their most dedicated General, Armitage Hux, could find the clue that would lead the way to them.

The brand-new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was constantly annoyed, and with good reason. The fact that his mother and the handful of rebels and traitors had escaped in the _Millennium Falcon_ when he was so close to finishing them off for good, didn't irritate him as much as Rey's rejection.

During the last connection the Force forced them to share, he felt the young woman's disappointment, but what hurt him most was her condescension because it had planted in his heart darkened by darkness, something he could not afford: doubt and hope. And something else.

Rey knew who Kylo Ren really was, beneath his ruthless, shadowy character. She had scratched the surface, opening a poorly healed wound like the one that disfigured his face since Starkiller. She had called him by name, the one he hated so much because it was part of his legacy, minutes before joining him to face Snoke. Rey had gotten under his skin, causing him a kind of pain and despair he had never experienced before that he could not compare to any kind of combat injury.

The droids were busy healing his body, the blood and broken bones never stopping him in his purpose. But who would erase from his mind the little sparks of Light she had fanned with her unwavering faith in redemption? How would he be able to return home after what he had done?

The conflict within him was unbearable and at times there was no escape. The voices in his head had been silenced since he murdered Snoke, but instead there was nothing or no one to comfort or guide him. The frightened and abandoned young man that still dwelled in a corner of his soul clawed at the walls of his prison trying to get out.

And Kylo knew Rey was his weakness. She was everything he would never be, surely his own mother thought of her as a daughter when she could have fought for him. But still he was incapable of hating her for it. He had chosen this life, though he always told himself he had no choice.

The standard days seemed to have longer hours than usual and he came to bed more and more exhausted, as if every minute he went without hearing from Rey weakened him even more. The links had long since been severed; he no longer felt the familiar hum that had come to bother him so much.

However, the silence on the other end of the bond wasn't a better alternative either. He had been left with the words stuck in his throat, the desire to say some things to Rey out loud.

But he thought better of it. Wouldn't talking make everything worse? Last time he had not chosen his words well and the results were there for all to see. Although since then he had plenty of time to think and recognize where he had gone wrong.

When he saw Rey again, if the Force deigned to connect them, he would not behave like an inexperienced teenager.

 _No_.

As Supreme Leader he had the investiture to force everyone to do what he wanted but he knew none of that would work with the young woman. He wasn't going to get too soft either, he didn't think he was capable of it, but he suspected he might use other tactics with Rey.

Perhaps an invitation to spend time with him or maybe a gift.

As a child he had witnessed these types of situations with his parents, of course Han and Leia had a relationship, unlike Rey and him, and for the record he was more than willing to venture into it.

Many times, more than he could list, his mother would get frustrated by some of Han's actions and would not hold back her complaints in front of her son. But his father always had a good reason for everything he did and every time he returned from some adventure, illicit or not, he came back with his hands full and Leia was soothed by his displays of affection.

Perhaps they needed each other too much and that was always for Kylo a sign of weakness that was now turning against him: discovering that he wanted and needed to be loved by someone.

Thinking of his parents brought a bitter smile to his face. For some time it was possible to be happy in that family, brief instants that would never return because he had taken care of that by murdering his father.

His smile dissolved without a trace as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror of his quarters with an almost irrepressible desire to shatter the glass, as if by doing so he could change something of what he had done.

But he couldn't do that so he would have to come up with a plan with the shreds he had left, without it diverting him too much from his main goal of getting everything he wanted from Rey. He wanted to have her by his side to rule the galaxy together, tempting her with something she couldn't resist, even if he still didn't quite know where he would get that magical excuse.

Already out of energy from thinking so much about the scavenger and tired from the events of the frantic day as Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren lay down anyway on his large bunk of black and red sheets, face down and burying his face between two fluffy pillows as if with that gesture he could isolate himself from the rest of the world. He didn't even bother to take off his clothes or make himself comfortable to sleep, he was tired and didn't care too much either. Though he was careful to take off his boots and belt, placing the lightsaber close to him on top of a side table in case some unexpected attack forced him to run away.

Sleep was indeed a nuisance but Kylo didn't want to use the power of the Dark Side to keep his body in a permanent state of wakefulness. He was a human being, after all. And the idea of being completely absorbed by that kind of power, to the detriment of his physical appearance did not excite him. He remembered Snoke's disfigured face with disgust, because it was a consequence of the evil he carried within him and made him decompose inside. The prospect of looking like him quite repulsed him for reasons he barely understood, but which had to do with the way he wanted a certain young woman to look at him.

Kylo did not consider himself attractive nor was he a fan of his particular features, his nose and ears had always been a source of ridicule and his hands too large and clumsy for the delicate missions of protocol his mother had forced him to learn. Although the training routines along with his colossal height made him fearsome in battle. He wore a mask because while he could deny to everyone that he was a descendant of Leia and Han, the resemblance to his parents left no doubt about his parentage.

Anyway, he had to sleep and that was what he was going to do. Strategies and plans could wait a few hours.

He fell asleep thinking about frivolities, considering that his life was loaded with fatality and his dreams capriciously mixed past, present and fantasy, in strange combinations that luckily he would forget as soon as he woke up.

It rarely happened to him but when he woke up without knowing exactly where he was or what day it was, a feeling of nervousness spread through his body. For the first few seconds confusion gave way to fear and then calm as he recognized the walls and the few pieces of furniture in his quarters along with the hated flashing light from the front door that he had never managed to turn off.

As he stretched his long body and breathed in deeply to let the recycled air into his brain and lungs, he rested one of his elbows on the mattress to roll over and lay on his back. Apparently he had not changed position while he slept.

But as he did, he felt something strange next to him. There wasn't enough light to make out what it was, but he was sure it was _someone else._

In the mists of sleep, Kylo's heart began to pound in fright as he tried to think clearly. Who was there? Or rather, how had he managed to get into his quarters protected by five codes that only he knew?

But he already knew the answer, it could only be one person, the only one in the galaxy who had the power to do such a thing. He knew that Rey was beside him, completely asleep and oblivious to his presence, because a rather loud snore confirmed it.

_Rey was peacefully asleep in his bed. Next to him, as if it was the most natural thing in the world._

He slowly sat up in bed, trying not to make any movements that might wake her up as he took in the facts, gathering calm with a composure he didn't even know he had.

_«Rey is sleeping next to me. And she looks so beautiful.»_

He shook his head, the course of his thoughts was not helping him to concentrate and he was beginning to feel other things that did not cooperate with his delicate situation.

_The Force._

It was the only reasonable explanation. The Force had created a bond for them as they slept, each in a corner of the galaxy unknown to the other, and somehow they both shared the same bed. _His bed._

Kylo held his breath as he felt Rey move, seeking a more comfortable position but not yet opening his eyes. How long was it going to take for him to realize what was happening? Why wasn't he waking up? How was he going to react when he realized he was no longer among his friends in the Resistance, but at the mercy of his worst enemy?

If he was right, the link wouldn't last long and hopefully she would think it was a dream. Or a nightmare.

But Kylo wasn't going to do anything, Rey was safe with him. Partly because he wasn't going to hurt her anymore and partly because he was too bewitched by her and the strangeness of the circumstances.

Rey was mumbling barely audible words and he wished he could move closer to hear but he didn't because he was too afraid.

_The Supreme Leader of the First Order, pinned to his own bed by a sleeping scavenger, helpless and vulnerable. And with a concerning hoarseness problem._

Certainly, the Force had its ways of punishing him for crimes committed in his name.

A few seconds later, he felt the vibration reach a higher power and then Rey disappeared, as silently as she had arrived.

Kylo let out all the air that had built up in his chest, accompanied by a pitiful groan that might as well have been one of relief.

_«This didn't just happen, did it?»_

The faint trace of Rey's warmth and natural scent, along with the rumpled sheets assured him that she was there. The pillow beside him was a little sunken and Kylo brought a trembling hand closer for his body to communicate to his brain the veracity of the facts. He felt her a little damp and was alarmed to imagine that Rey might be crying but she hadn't seemed tense to him at all.

Through the link he felt her _at ease_ perhaps _too much_ _at ease_ next to him. 

Was she also bent on torturing him? Was that her strategy?

After all perhaps there was still hope for him and his dream of making her a dark empress after all. Kylo was bowing to the level of tender cruelty she was using on him and was eager to let her think he was capable of being in control of the situation.

Smiling genuinely, for the first time in years, a laugh erupted from him causing him a bit of pain as he covered his mouth so no one would witness such an unbecoming act for someone dark like him.


	2. Chapter 2

The day was just beginning on Ajan Kloss and some of the early risers of the Resistance were starting their day or swapping shifts with those who had completed their night watch duties.

More and more allies were appearing from far corners of the galaxy to join the fight against the common enemy, the monstrous First Order. They were still far from forming an armada, nor did they have many ships to mount a direct attack, but General Leia Organa was confident that they could withstand an offensive attack without having to flee. The best qualified technicians and the bravest pilots were on her side, along with the conviction that they were all doing what was right.

And then there was the power of Rey, whom they all saw as an emblem of hope and heroism, the embodiment of the spark they hoped to nurture until her fire lit up all the places the First Order had ruthlessly subdued.

Throughout the corridors of the base, optimism was growing, old friends were reuniting and others were forgetting old quarrels that were now unimportant. Many had lost family and friends, others had escaped leaving behind their homes and belongings with the primary goal of saving their lives. But the disparate community they all formed under Leia's leadership had room for everyone.

Rey spent her days torn between memories and the prospects the present offered, sometimes feeling a bit lonely despite being surrounded by so many people. Everyone recognized her and gave her a smile as she passed by, as if to thank her for still being there with them, on the side of the good guys. The young woman carried the weight of knowing that it could have been very different if she had accepted Ben's hand, not so long ago, at the _Supremacy_.

No one she had trusted with the secret, not even Finn, let alone Leia. She'd learned to relegate it to a corner of her mind and because the links hadn't been activated between them again since that last day on Crait, she didn't have to worry about it. Besides, being the symbol of victory was a near full-time assignment that didn't leave him much room for other activities, save for the odd select mission or training.

Leia had expressed her desire to become her Teacher, if she accepted. But Rey had not given her word of endorsement right away. For some reason she couldn't bring herself to take the step, although while she had been at Luke's side on Ahch-To, she seemed to desire nothing more than to become a Jedi.

Confusion clouded her judgment and caused her serious doubts, not serious enough to steal a ship and flee with Ben under the guise of saving her soul, but Rey wasn't quite sure she wanted to become a Jedi because of the obligations it entailed. She wouldn't commit that folly again, even though it seemed like a good idea at the time.

He had planted a doubt in her, a questioning, the possibility of being someone different from who everyone saw in her. And worst of all, Rey felt she was in the middle of two forces, literally and figuratively, because the Force didn't mess around.

On one side were her friends, the family she had formed, duty and honor, what was right, the Light. At times the pressure they all exerted on her was overwhelming.

Because in her nature there was something else, curiosity for that which was denied her and rebellion for not accepting what was imposed on her. For many years she lived subdued and clinging to a hope that was never fulfilled, at least not in the way she had hoped.

Ben had shown her that he had the power to create something new at her side, regardless of the fact that the more she thought about him, the harder it was for her to shake the feeling that she had been wrong to leave him unconscious in the throne room instead of dragging him in that escape shuttle to force him to rejoin his family. Of course, among her noble qualities of combat and diplomacy, there was no place for kidnapping and she was sure it was not a good way to start a relationship with him.

On the other hand, there were issues of the order of the sensible: in the Resistance there were many mouths to feed and little food.

While they remained hidden from the radars of the First Order, the supply lines were interrupted because those who remained neutral did not want to infuriate the enemies. It would be a matter of time until they had nothing left and perhaps that was the cruelest strategy they had to defeat them. For that reason Rey joined every interception mission whenever she could, that way she felt he was doing something for others even if her heart was a little divided.

On top of all that, she had a lot to do. Luke's books were quite an enigma to her, though with help from C3PO and Beaumont Kin to translate some ancient languages, she was beginning to decipher them. She needed them to repair Anakin's saber that she recovered on the _Supremacy_ , in the tomes were some instructions and other notes of interest. She couldn't help but reenact the moment of its destruction over and over in her mind, Ben's pleading face, the fury and disappointment that followed.

That was the way things were, there was so much to do and so little time she had to devote to more important matters. Definitely not to thinking about Ben offering her his hand and where he might be now. She decided it would be best to get herself in order, plan step by step, create a routine but be prepared for the unexpected.

And the most important thing to keep her body and mind in good shape was rest.

That morning Rey woke up slowly, as if her body weighed five times more than usual. The previous day had been particularly exhausting and she felt like staying in bed a little longer, as if she had not had enough sleep. But she couldn't afford that luxury when he was in the middle of a war.

The Resistance had used the natural limestone caves of Ajan Kloss to make a subway base, so that from above everything would be hidden by the abundant vegetation. The _Tantive IV_ , Leia's corvette, was the main headquarters and offered a degree of privacy to the General. Rey had some privileges due to her importance within the community, but she had decided to remain close to her friends on the condition that she had a quiet sector to meditate and study the books. Therefore, her bunk was located in an elevated sector within an overhanging rock in the heart of the cave, but she had managed to hide it if she needed to.

Not that she cared much about this aspect, on Jakku she had had to share water and toilets on several occasions. But she had grown accustomed to the silence of her AT-AT and none of that existed on Ajan Kloss. People came and went busy and chatting, some droids were decaying from the ambient humidity, and the planet's wildlife, curious about the arrival of guests, would sometimes surprise someone in a less-than-pleasant way.

Resigned, Rey sighed and propped herself up on her elbows to get up. She was glad to find that her pillow was dry and thought she had finally managed to sleep without snoring, at least, with her mouth closed. Rose, who slept nearby, constantly complained about the unnatural sound that came from her throat every night, but she recognized that it was excellent for scaring off the native insects.

Something in the atmosphere felt out of place, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. She decided not to make a big deal of it as she had another long day ahead of her.

Prepared for the new day, she changed out of her sleeping clothes behind a makeshift screen and was grateful that the warm weather didn't force her to wear more clothes. It was much nicer than Jakku, hundreds of times better, and she could be surrounded by green scenery and exotic aromas all the time. Too bad she never had time to appreciate them and that her stay there was temporary.

Her stomach grumbled, she hadn't eaten dinner the night before to give her ration to Rose who had recently fallen ill and was still weak from a cold. She made her way to the dining area where Finn was already waiting for her with a plate of Dantooine cereal and a disapproving gesture, surely for skipping a meal.

Rey took the plate and spoon, that kind of breakfast was a real treat, courtesy of the latest successful First Order supply heist, which narrowly missed ending in disaster. The young woman couldn't suppress a smile at the thought that she was probably eating the Supreme Leader's favorite cereal instead.

He sat comfortably next to Finn on some battery boxes, while he listened to their animated conversation. Rey would let him talk without interrupting, because she wasn't one of those people who liked to chat as soon as they got up. Her friend loved to tell her all kinds of rumors that ran around the base along with more serious topics and always tried to cheer her up with some joke. He knew she didn't talk too much and respected her for that, Finn knew better than anyone about the pressures Rey felt.

But, of course, he ignored absolutely everything about the Force bonds between his friend and Kylo Ren. The subject never came up because no opportunity had presented itself and Rey didn't feel it necessary to tell him about something as intimate as what she and Ben shared. On the other hand, the Force had not reconnected them, so there was no need to clarify anything.

Until that day, as Rey quietly ate her breakfast of Dantooine cereal.

The familiar vibration behind her ears alerted her that something was about to happen and she looked up from her bowl to find Ben, in a situation she was not prepared to see.

Still holding the spoon in her hand, her gaze was lost on the not-too-distant spot where her enemy was executing a magnificently choreographed workout with a metal staff and almost no clothing on top except for a sleeveless garment and his hated black gloves. He was on his back, fighting against one of his knights which of course Rey could not see, and he moved with lethal speed and captivating grace.

Rey began to feel her cheeks burn at the sight of his broad back and muscular arms, remembering that this was not the first time she had seen them through the link. But for some reason she felt guilty, as if she were spying on him. Because he didn't seem to have noticed the link, or wasn't showing it.

Finn continued his usual chatter while Rey felt increasingly uncomfortable. The chill of the cave had become a hot embarrassment and her nervousness was increasing for several reasons.

_Would the others be able to see Ben? Why had the Force chosen that moment to manifest itself? Could Ben hear everything she was thinking as she watched him fight?_

She really hoped the answer to that last question was a flat denial, because the things that came to her mind as she watched him in that alluring death dance, his eyes darkened by adrenaline and the way his clothes clung to his skin was nothing she wanted to share with anyone, least of all him.

They had fought together once and that was enough for him to know that her training was serious and that she was perfectly capable of mortally wounding someone with her thrusts and strikes. Rey wasn't afraid for him but for the growing admiration she felt at the sight of him, along with other feelings that truly embarrassed her but she couldn't help it.

After dodging an attack, Ben stood in front of Rey and for a split second she checked in horror a small arrogant smile on his face.

Rey's spoon slipped from her hands, causing a great clatter and splashing Finn with the ostentatious food and eliciting an offended protest from him.

_Had Ben guessed the course of her thoughts?_

_Or worse... Had he seen her looking at him as if she were starving and he were a delicious Jogan fruitcake?_

Rey jumped to her feet and the bond ended, but not before gifting her with a detailed view of Ben running a hand over his face to brush away a few strands of hair that had escaped from his ponytail and smiling cheekily towards where she stood in a gesture she interpreted as highly provocative.

_He's definitely doing it on purpose._

Ignoring Finn, she ran out of the cave and into the jungle, seeking some privacy to collect her thoughts and calm her galloping heart. Maybe it would help to find some cool waterfall, but she wasn't so lucky.

_What had just happened? What had just happened to her?_

Apparently Ben Solo had a strategy to convince her to join him and she wasn't strong enough to resist his charms. And wow… now she was aware that he had them.

_Was he manipulating the Force to create bonds?_

She was tremendously enraged at him, but most of all at herself. She took a couple of deep breaths but the image wouldn't leave her retina and wouldn't for some time.

But a few minutes later, as she began to feel herself regaining control of her emotions with difficulty, she raised her head decisively as an idea formed in her head.

The war was just beginning. And she was determined to win it.


	3. Chapter 3

The training was over but Kylo knew that the adrenaline he felt in his body had nothing to do with the feeling of power that always took time to fade after a battle.

Because his knights weren't soft on the Supreme Leader, they fought him to the death and that forced them to push themselves harder and harder, perfecting technique and reflexes. A few broken ribs and a little blood meant nothing to them, except having to endure humiliation for several days. Kylo had taken his knocks too and it made him stronger, because the speed with which he got back to his feet after falling was the inspiration the Knights of Ren appreciated and admired.

Still he was _pretty sure_ that the slight trembling of his body and the galloping of his heart was not due to unleashed fury but to Rey and the way he caught her looking at him through the bond.

Kylo had spent the rest of the sleepless night thinking about how to use the situation to his benefit and take advantage of what the Force was doing with them. He didn't doubt that Rey had the ability to handle those connections as she pleased, but after that morning he was convinced that she had no idea what was going on, just as he did.

He told himself that he hadn't purposely provoked her or manipulated the strange connection they shared, though he longed to see her again, even longed to hear her voice telling him again that he was a _murderous snake_. 

He didn't care, he needed to see her almond eyes casting fire and since he had no other way to do that but through the links, he decided he would use those precious moments to convince her to join him.

_Apparently they worked better if he didn't talk._

Of course, he didn't expect it so soon and he didn't imagine how she was going to feel either. Rey hadn't trained long enough with Luke to learn how to block him at all. A real shame she hadn't taken him up on his offer to be his apprentice, he was a thousand times more powerful and _entertaining_ than her uncle.

Except for that one time on Starkiller, he reluctantly recalled, but there she had the advantage of surprise and that would never happen again. A scar to remember that day was enough for him.

But on second thought, that surprising crack in his mind's defenses had allowed Kylo to discover new information. Now the roles were reversed and although Rey didn't leave a scar this time, he was sure he had made a strong impression on her.

And the revelation had left him breathless.

_She wanted him. Or at least she was attracted to him._

But she was confused and distressed by it, as if she blamed herself for seeing him, for wanting to be together with him. Maybe her male pride should be happy, but what Kylo had instead was a strange mix between joy and panic.

It was too much to digest in just six standard hours.

And while the spiral of emotions had taken him high, very high while training, it was now beginning to descend. Old and new fears surfaced to remind her that he would never be worthy of affection, not even _that_ kind of affection that seemed to emanate from Rey like a haunting aura that even she didn't fully understand.

Some things were innate, he thought, like the smile he had inherited from his father that he couldn't contain the moment he discovered Rey's mute stalking. He cursed himself for that because the memory of Han squeezed his stomach as if someone was twisting it with pliers. And he didn't need to remember his father to feel worse than he already did.

On the other hand, what was it about laughing so often? Why did he feel as if he could just jump in his TIE and abandon everything without looking back for Rey?

_He obviously wasn't thinking clearly._

An ice cold shower would soothe his body and bring him back to reality, the First Order and the war, reminding him that these were no times to play lovers' games because he had the galaxy in a fist.

_«So this was the way things were now?»_

He had finally found a name for what was happening to him.

_The Supreme Leader was in love with the scavenger. And that complicated everything even more._

He let the cold water fall on his back without flinching; he was prepared to feel pain. But the feeling that his heart was going to burst out of his chest would not go away. He tried to deny it with all his might because if he started to go soft because of it, all was lost.

Kylo had offered the galaxy to Rey, had begged her to take his hand, to rule alongside him. And while he wasn't blind to the young woman's charms, he hadn't been thinking beyond a relationship of convenience when he'd made that proposal. He was not the kind of person to force a woman to be with him _intimately_ even though he would not hesitate to take the life of a traitor. People approached him out of interest, out of thirst for power, out of selfishness and he was repulsed by it and that's why he kept everyone away.

He thought he would have time for that, he would never use it as a strategy but after that morning's episode, he wasn't so sure anymore and a hint of malice came over him.

But it was only for an instant, his insecurities came back with a vengeance, years and years of feeling slighted had nullified his ability to be attractive to others, even to himself.

While under Luke's tutelage, there was no time for romance because a Padawan is also advised not to generate emotional attachments or bonds with others, arguing that passions are the direct path to the Dark Side.

Kylo wondered what would have happened if Rey and he had coincided in the past, before Takodana, before Snoke even took him under his wing. How would things be now? But it was useless to think that way, and he was wasting precious time deluding himself that he knew would get him nowhere.

When he left the Academy and joined the Knights of Ren, he also had no time to check if the old-fashioned Jedi were right. He had no shortage of opportunities because danger attracted a certain kind of sentimental company, but he had always felt strange in those situations. He was so afraid of doing something wrong that he preferred to pass for someone cold and dealt with those issues himself, which he considered merely biological and somewhat overrated.

_Until he met Rey._

It wasn't just the admiration he felt for her, his pair in the Force. Kylo knew it couldn't be just that because he had never felt that way before with anyone. Beyond that strange connection they shared, she was to him the only person who might be able to understand him. Too bad she was on the wrong side and was also his rival, adding up to a bloody war between the two of them.

Time passed for him carelessly as he let the water wash away the pain he was beginning to feel in the side of his left eye. He could control his impulses, he knew how to focus energy to increase his power, but some parts of his body had decided to get _hard_.

So he did what he did in such cases, he thought about the tasks ahead of him, about General Hux's pale and bitter face and as if by magic, everything returned to _frustrating normalcy._

Once he had refocused on his role, he stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel offered to him by the laundry droid. On one side was his usual suit, clean and dry, ready to begin his Supreme Leader routine.

But since he was in no hurry to start the schedule of boring meetings and his mind was a bit distracted that day, he wondered what Rey would think if she ever saw him wearing any color other than black, as he pushed a few buttons on the wall to open his closet. He would never wear white, nor would he wear anything that reminded him of the Jedi. Maybe something dark blue or gray would be enough to get her to take the bait, but he dismissed the idea because it felt absurd and ridiculous.

However, he would have the opportunity to ask her in person soon enough, because a new connection was activated.

* * *

This time Rey was very angry and her face had a crimson tone that Kylo found adorable. He didn't think she might be disturbed that he was half-dressed for two reasons: the towel was ample and covered him down to his feet and on the other hand, Rey had already seen him naked from the waist up at Ahch-To, so it wouldn't be a novelty the panorama of scars and wounds he flaunted.

But he was letting some details escape, because he didn’t yet assume that he could use his charms to attract Rey. He convinced himself that the anger she was giving off at him had nothing to do with _that_ and that she was just annoyed at the interruption.

“Is there a reason you never wear anything every time this happens or is the towel the new uniform of the First Order?”

“Funny you should mention that, when it's obvious you are forcing the connections.”

“Of course not! Why would I?”

“I don't know! Maybe you missed me too much?”

Rey turned her back on him and folded her arms, determined to ignore him, but Kylo could still see the rims of her ears red with embarrassment. Why was she so stubborn?

With a jaded sigh and rolling her eyes, he grabbed one of his black shirts and pulled it over.

“ _I'm decent now_. You can turn around.”

“I don't trust you. Not after what happened a while ago.”

Maybe conversing with Rey's back wasn't so bad, because then he could talk to her without being distracted by her eyes or her mouth. Though come to think of it, Rey's list of attributes was pretty long.

Kylo thought he could intimidate her and moved a little closer to her to whisper near her ear.

“I need to talk to you, Rey. _Please_.”

The young woman jumped like a spring and turned to meet him. It was complete madness, almost a miracle, to be so close to each other and yet separated by light years of space distance.

“What do you want?”

There was still rudeness in her voice but he noticed Rey softening her anger. He also wanted to know what the Force was up to with them and how to end the hateful issue.

“I'm not sure what's going on, I guess we'll just have to get used to it until we figure it out. The Force connects us for a reason.”

“I thought you were doing it on purpose.” Rey let out a sigh but agreed to trust him. “I'm sorry, I don't understand what's going on either. It's the first time since that day in Crait and I... what?” The young woman was interrupted by his grimace as she spoke.

“About that... it's not the first time it's happened.”

“ What?”

“Last night... Don't you remember? You showed up here, sleeping next to me...”

“I did no such thing!” she exclaimed offended and blushing.

“Oh really? Then how do I know you make strange noises when you sleep? You should see the doctor at your base.”

Rey took a few steps back, quite worried, she was again distrustful of him and panic was taking hold of her. He guessed her thoughts and felt offended.

“Of course I didn't do anything, Rey! What kind of person do you think I am?”

“You could have had the decency to wake me up!”

“Of course. Why didn't I think of that! What would you have done? You think I'd risk that when you've tried to murder me at least twice?”

Rey advanced determinedly towards him, and for a moment it seemed as if she was making an effort not to cry.

“That's not true, Ben, and you know it. I didn't hurt you when I escaped from _Supremacy_. I didn't...”

“How do you know? I offered you my hand and you refused it...I thought you would join me and instead you tried to steal my saber and destroyed it...and that's not my name, in case you forgot that detail too....”

“You're unbearable! Being forever connected to someone like you is a real punishment!”

“Is it? Well, it didn't seem like you were suffering much this morning...”

Rey reached the limit of her patience and Kylo thought she was going to hit him, but before she could she moved quickly to dodge the blow and somehow she ended up in his arms.

She was so furious that Kylo was thrilled to think he had good dark empress material. 

_His empress._

_«It's now or never.»_

Their hearts beat in unison, he could read the bewilderment in her eyes, so close to his, but he didn't feel rejection because it wasn't there.

«She wants me to kiss her.»

But the Force gave them no chance.

* * *

“Rey, could you explain what I just saw?”

At Ajan Kloss, Finn appeared among the leaves with his eyes popping out of their sockets and his lips trembling slightly.

Rey forcibly pulled herself together and controlled her emotions, but she couldn't lessen the fluttering in her chest and the intense blush on her cheeks. There was no point in lying to Finn, she would only try to make him understand something that even she wasn't capable of understanding.

“That depends... How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to see Kylo Ren, in a towel, about to kiss you and you quite excited about it. Is that right, I'm not hallucinating, what are you doing, Rey?”

The young woman plopped down on a tree trunk, trying to gather her thoughts and buy herself some time. Things were quickly getting out of control and she couldn't avoid the next connection because she didn't know how to do it nor did she want to.

_«I wanted to know what it would feel like to be kissed by him.»_

But wasn't admitting that betraying her friends? Their situation was complicated-what if the Force reconnected them in a more compromising situation? Though they would most likely end up involved in some fight, like every time they saw each other. They couldn't avoid it.

“You can trust me. You know that," Finn placed a hand over hers and squeezed it gently. Rey was confident it was true but didn't know where to start.

“I promise to explain everything Finn. But there is something I must do first.”

It was time to talk to Leia about her spoiled son. She needed her help to fulfill the plan that was just forming in her mind and Leia would understand, she was sure of that. But more than anything, Rey needed the advice of someone who was like a mother to her, someone who definitely had more experience in dealing with the male specimens of the Solo bloodline.


	4. Chapter 4

Rey headed for Leia's quarters, convinced she was doing the right thing by telling her about the nature of her relationship with Ben and the little detail of the Force connections.

She tried not to dwell on the concern she saw in Finn's eyes and avoided walking past Rose's post, because she was also very perceptive and Rey was in a delicate enough mood to go around hiding things. However, given the circumstances and how quickly the conflict was escalating, it was best to maintain secrecy for as long as possible.

She could rely on her friend's discretion because there was a great understanding between them that the young woman sometimes felt she did not deserve. She suspected that he was jealous of what she had seen and to tell the truth she also reproached herself for such weakness. But what could she do? She felt that something was pulling her into Ben's arms as if she were holding on to the end of a spring: the harder she tried to get away, the faster she wanted to go back to him.

Finn was like a brother to her, her first friend. She didn't know if he felt anything more than sincere affection for her but in any case she couldn't reciprocate a romantic feeling if it existed. And she didn't want to admit that it did because someone else held that place in her mind and heart.

She was torn between loyalty to the people who were like her family and the person who made her want to feel part of one. It was a selfish feeling, but it didn't dampen her curiosity. Wasn't she like everyone else? Didn't she deserve the chance to experience something like what she was feeling?

Yes, maybe in another life, one where she hadn't chosen the path of the Jedi and where she hadn't fallen in love with her worst enemy.

_"Oh. This is... Love?"_

Rey stopped suddenly, marveling at her discovery. But she had no way of knowing if it was love, and the term sounded as strange as when she first heard an unfamiliar language. The feeling seemed too important to mute and in many ways it was right for her. But she barely knew Ben and he didn't offer her too many clues despite shared experiences. The very astute one knew how to hide from her the places in his mind that would leave him exposed to her, as vulnerable and upset as Rey was feeling now.

And there was that small matter of him insisting on remaining Supreme Leader. Though truth be told, Rey thought they never had a chance to talk civilly, because they always ended up fighting every time they saw each other.

 _" Well, not always."_ thought Rey and then immediately cursed Finn for being so inopportune.

Once she reached the front door of Leia's quarters on _Tantive IV_ , her confidence began to drop. Where to start? What would she say? Would she judge her for hiding something so important that could twist the course of people's lives in the galaxy? Was it a good idea to tell her everything? Of course she would skip the almost-kissing question and that crazy thing about sleeping together.

On second thought, she would omit everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

The door opened before she announced herself and Leia greeted her with an understanding smile that gave Rey to understand that she knew this moment would come. But little did she know that the topic of conversation would not revolve around Rey and her life choices, but also her stray son in the dark and his questionable flirting tactics.

“Dear Rey, go ahead. My meetings today are thankfully over and judging by your expression, I think we both need a nice cup of tea.”

Rey forced a smile and agreed, still not sorting out her thoughts.

The room was comfortably furnished with the essentials, but Leia's special touch of royalty could be discerned. Rey sat in a comfortable armchair and did not miss the delicacy with which the General was preparing the hot drink for both of them. It was fascinating to imagine her fiercely holding a blaster to defend her life or choking _Jabba the Hutt_ with a chain with the same conviction with which she served the refreshment.

“I don't let C3PO brew my tea. It's amazing that after all these years he still doesn't understand how I like it. But he is a protocol droid, after all.” Leia shrugged and winked at her. “Besides, we need some privacy.”

Rey swallowed hard. She hadn't uttered a word yet and felt every syllable catch in her throat. She didn't want to come off as disrespectful, but she didn't know where to start and the tea would be over before she could open her mouth and state her problem.

_"Well, Rey. You could defeat an entire armada of the First Order at the snap of your fingers but you're not able to talk to your would-be mother-in-law about her damned son."_

Leia waited patiently for the girl to decide to speak because she could see over the cup as her eyes flicked nervously from side to side. She was quite concerned, but didn’t press her. However she began to suspect something when she mentioned her son's name almost by accident.

“When I was little I was taught all sorts of things a princess should know that I thought were useless until I found out they were not. Sure, it was a pretty strict upbringing but I was able to get quite a bit out of it. You never know what's going to happen and you have to be prepared for unimaginable things. Even to negotiate the terms of a war with your own son.”

Rey choked on her drink and set the cup down roughly on the small table, trying to make her strange behavior go unnoticed. But of course it was too late.

“General, I...”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Leia?” she reminded her gently.

“I'm sorry, Leia. There's something you should know. It's about Ben. And about me.”

The woman remained composed and upright in her seat as Rey explained as best she could everything that was happening. Her eyebrows curved in disbelief as the young woman began to detail the events of Ahch-To and her first bonds, the truths Ben had shown her about the night she escaped from Luke's Temple but conveniently omitted some parts. She explained to her how she had almost transported herself from one corner of the galaxy to another just by touching their hands and the way Luke had interrupted them.

Leia took it all in without comment but couldn't let out a few grimaces as she listened. She was quick to get excited and let her mind wander to the wilderness of hope because it was clear that Ben to Rey mattered a lot. She would have to have been blind not to notice how the young woman blushed when she referred to him, even if she couldn't help but blurt out some complaint about him and his stubbornness. It was like watching herself, so many years ago, struggling to refuse to be attracted to someone as _inconvenient and daring_ as Han.

But what fascinated Leia most about the outlandish tale was that Rey was confident in the possibility of bringing her son back and that made her, in her eyes, truly brave. She knew that Luke had initially opposed her plan to go all the way to _Supremacy_ to convince Ben and she didn't blame him for that. However, she couldn't help but admire Rey for the feat, for believing in him even when she had stopped.

When she got to the part about assassinating Snoke and proposing to drop everything to join him, Leia rolled her eyes, thinking it was a real shame that Ben hadn't inherited her negotiating skills. Though of course he was grateful for it, because if he had succeeded, Rey wouldn't be telling him all that and the galaxy would be at his feet.

“So you two have some kind of connection that you can't control and it happens when the Force arranges it? And you can't see each other's surroundings?”

“Unless we make... some kind of contact.” Rey blushed violently as she remembered the kiss rehearsal.

“I see.”

With all that information, Leia didn't know exactly what to do. But being an excellent strategist, she decided to let Rey tell her what she had really been going to tell her.

“The bonds were interrupted after Crait. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know how you would take it and Han's situation was recent, and I didn't want to cause any more pain or suspicion, I just....”

Leia reached out a hand to where she was and gently rested it on her shoulder.

“Rey, stop apologizing and tell me. What changed? Why did you decide to tell me today? What happened?”

 _"Well, where do I start. Everything went out of control. First the Force deposited me on the Supreme Leader's bed, then I had to watch him flaunt his muscles in front of me and my breakfast, and finally he had the nerve to shut down just as he was about to give me the first kiss of all."_ she wanted to tell her.

But she didn't exactly mean it in those words.

“Everything got out of control.”

“You mean you were able to control it in the past?”

“No. Neither of us can.”

Leia let out a long sigh that might as well have been a triumphant whistle quite unbecoming of a princess or a mischievous smile.

“So you've seen him again.”

Rey nodded several times and then looked down at the ground feeling guilty. But the woman approached gently and sat down beside to embrace her. The gesture took Rey by surprise, it was certainly the last reaction she expected, but she was grateful for the comfort because she needed it. The worst was over.

A few moments later, Leia pulled away a little and stood up slowly, as if her mind was traveling at the speed of light and began to pace back and forth across the room.

“I understand your conflict and why you decided to come.”

“Really?”

“Of course. And I suppose you are thinking of abandoning your training because developing emotional attachments would be against the Code…”

“No! I'm here for precisely the opposite.” Rey let out the despair and frustration she felt, standing up. “I want to complete my training so I can forget about this whole thing. I need to be prepared to face Ben the next time I see him, but instead I feel like every day I'm getting closer to accepting his proposal to join the Dark Side, and that's something I couldn't do to you, Finn and the others.”

“Rey, you are not seeing clearly. The Code is outdated anyway and since we are the only ones left alive to honor it, we could make some changes.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked cautiously.

“You can't block out the sun with one hand, Rey. What you feel for Ben is something special and you both deserve the chance to... love and be loved.”

_“Love?”_

“You care about him, you've risked your life for my son. You have a different glow when you talk about him. It's okay if there are things that are yours alone, I don't have to know about them.” Rey was going to protest but Leia wouldn't let her. “And I don't say that because he is my son, but because I consider you as one. Only you have the ability to make him reconsider bad decisions. He loves you, I know it.”

Rey dropped back into the chair, overwhelmed by what Leia was telling her. _"Has this woman suddenly gone insane? Oh, I was wrong to come here."_ she thought.

“How are you so sure?”

“Because I believe that the Force does not act on its own. And because I recognize the mistakes I have made with my son. He never wanted more power, he just wanted more attention. Ben wanted to feel loved.”

Leia directed her to sit back down and poured more tea.

“The Jedi avoid love because it induces possession and selfishness, in short, emotions from the Dark Side. But Luke explained to me that the Sith don't endorse it either because love can lead to compassion and sacrifice, just as it did for our father, who gave his life for his son. Love is the key to balance.”

Rey listened attentively and gradually became more animated. No one had ever explained things to her as clearly as Leia did and that was amazing.

“I've long thought this way, but Luke never agreed with me. He would tell me I was crazy, but I never stopped believing. It's a shame that wisdom has cost me so many beloved lives. But I still have time to make it right through you.”

“So should I go after him? Should I become his empress?”

Leia shook her head.

“I'm more in favor of the middle ground. We'll make a plan when the time comes, but in the meantime keep doing what your heart dictates. We all believe in you, Rey. You are kind and strong, and the feelings you now have are born on the side of the light. Ben could never talk you into anything you don't want, and if you think about it, he may be in the same situation as you.”

“Are you suggesting then that we go ahead with these meetings? What will happen if everyone finds out?”

“Your friend Finn knows, doesn't he? Are you worried he'll tell everyone?”

Rey bit her lips. But she made a negative movement.

“I don't think so, he wouldn't do that.”

“Then only the three of us will know. And no one will judge you. Just remind him that he is welcome here, that it will always be so. That there's still time.”

* * *

Rey left Leia's quarters a few minutes later, partly relieved as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but on the other hand a little stunned by what had just happened. To have fantasized about the idea of a romantic feeling was one thing, but to admit that she was in love was something else entirely.

It was true that she couldn't get Ben out of her mind, but she blamed the Force for that. It was also true that she dreamed of the day when she would see him arrive in his TIE and his mother would welcome him with open arms, but that was just a dream.

She felt that no one would ever understand her the way he did, even if his way of communicating gave much to be desired. Ben had perhaps the quality of saying few but accurate sentences and no finesse, although it was evident that his mind forced him to think too much.

When did Ben become someone she wanted to protect? When did he stop being the real villain? Perhaps the enemy was not him, but that which surrounded him.

And what about her own feelings? When exactly did she start to feel attracted to him? She could admit it was when she first took off her helmet on Starkiller, but Rey did not wish to delve into those questions because she was frightened of herself and the nature of her feelings.

_" I shouldn't be ashamed of anything. If the situation had been different, if there weren't so many complications and Force involved, maybe we would have had a chance."_

Maybe if he kissed her for once, she would know if she was attracted or it was just a whim. Rose had explained to him that she fantasized about kissing Finn because of all the things her sister Paige had told her about that hero who abandoned the First Order, but when she kissed him on Crait she didn't feel the big deal and realized she only admired him and nothing more.

Well, she could make the same experiment. She had nothing to lose. Surely it would be strange and uncomfortable for him too and they could work out the redemption problem with some boundaries and distances.

It was a disappointing prospect, but Rey was clinging to it because she was panicking.

But, of course, the Force wasn't going to serve it to her on a silver platter.

* * *

Kylo cancelled all the commitments he had for that day because of a terrible headache and a whim of astronomical levels. He was anxiously waiting for the connection to be reestablished and didn't want that to happen in the middle of a meeting with the High Command, plus he wouldn't tolerate another one of those boring conversations. Those pale old men wanted more power than they could manage and were ravaging the planets resources.

He hated himself for being so distracted from his duties, there were many things he wanted to change in the First Order but Hux always put the brakes on. The General had ways of handling himself that he didn't entirely like, but at least he was keeping the kingdom on its feet and not self-destructing. He would have time to regain control after he convinced Rey.

And she was the cause of all his pains that day. She and the traitor, to whom he attributed the disruption of the connection. How he did it, Kylo had no idea, but he was sure that if he saw him again, he wouldn't settle for torturing him _amicably_.

Hours passed and he didn't feel the buzzing in the back of his head, which was very strange because he had mentally calculated how often the Force would put him in contact with Rey. By his reckoning, it would happen from moment to moment.

And his dedication was soon rewarded, because he was right.

* * *

Rey was taking notes on a datapad when Ben materialized in front of her, among the boxes of food supplies. Kaydel had asked to help her make an inventory of the resources they obtained on the last raid, because it was one of the tasks no one wanted to do and the young woman understood the reason: the work was extremely boring.

_"Well, it doesn't have to be. If you came with me you could do things worthy of a..."_

“Leave me alone!” Rey tossed a small, heavy package toward where he stood.   
“And I told you to get out of my head!”

He dodged it by a few millimeters, still recovering from the shock of seeing her again, because even though he expected it, he never ceased to marvel at the phenomenon and the way Rey wrinkled her nose when she was upset about something.

“You need someone to teach you how to block other Force users.”

“Let me see.” she made a thoughtful, exaggerated gesture. “Wow, that reduces the odds quite a bit! In other words, not a chance!”

Rey continued with her work, trying to ignore him, but he wouldn't give up and moved a few steps closer until he was very close to her, separated by nothing more than a box that seemed to contain explosives. At least this time he was wearing _all_ his clothes.

She considered setting them off to wipe the expression off Ben's face, because even though she was doing her best not to notice him, his beautiful longing-laden gaze haunted her everywhere. Rey felt her cheeks burning as she remembered the almost-kiss that she couldn't get out of her mind anyway.

“Are you alone?” He asked.

“Is this a joke? Apparently I'm never alone because I can't get rid of you”

“You know what I mean.” He moved even closer. “And no, I'm not going to stop for now. I have to know something first.”

“There's no one here.”

“Good.”

With a decisive movement, replete with delicacy, Ben suppressed the distance between them and held Rey's face with both hands. She felt the bare skin against her cheeks but didn't have time to think of anything else when he leaned down to brush her lips against his in a sweet, slow kiss.

She could have sworn she was on fire or that her heart was going to burst out of her chest, but those descriptions were faint enough to serve as examples. What Rey felt was something more, as if he had discovered the key to stopping time.

The kiss was tentative and had no greater pretense than that of being an experiment, and apparently the result had perplexed them both when they broke apart to look into each other's eyes.

To no one's surprise, the Force interrupted the link shortly thereafter. And if Rose's theory was true, Rey was in big trouble now.


End file.
